交际心理     
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Why You Hate Talk
Dear Ralph,
  I am a girl student who doesn't like talking. To me it's a big problem, because I cannot find a friend just by reading books or being alone.

  I have to make a great effort to change myself, and to talk about any topic with my classmates whenever they like.

  But I feel I hate myself at the same time. So I think that may be my nature and I can't change it at all.

  But a company doesn't like its employees to just work and not talk. So I feel lonely and can't find confidence in the future.

  Pi Jiali, Tianjin

  Pi Jiali,

  Explore the reasons you dislike talking. Perhaps your parents discouraged talking too much at home, you fear what others think of what you say, or you find other people's normal conversation uninteresting.

  Isolate the reason and destroy it: Your classmates don't think as your parents do, you never know for sure what others think of what you say, and you can make any conversation interesting by adding your voice.

  Once you find the barrier and realize how low it is, you can jump over it. As you say, talking is required for friendships and cooperating with future co-workers. Start with the closest would-be friends, your classmates.

  Listen and laugh with them, then as they get used to you, add your own stories and comments. By graduation time, you'll be used to talking, so conversation with your future bosses and co-workers will come easy. But preserve your preference for silence outside social settings.

  People addicted to talking sometimes have trouble focusing on study or work, while those used to silence finish tasks quickly and accurately.

中国科学技术大学
继续教育学院

2005-11-22

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